It’s been a very, VERY busy time at CLSL the last 12 days. And I have you to thank for that, Readers. Well, mostly Miles Austin and all the crazyspices searching for information about his personal life or pictures of him nekkid. But you, too. In those 12 days my hits have been into the multitudes of thousands, numbers I’d reached all together in the MONTHS leading up to the switch to the official domain. Months, not days. It’s pretty bad ass. Because of that I made a few changes. I fancified the header, having Photoshop back in my life has its advantages. Thanks, again, to the quote from LittleMoe. Anyone who uses Varsity Blues to compliment a person is aces in my book. I re-did the about me section and added an FAQ page. Did I make most of the questions up? Absolutely. However, I just KNOW that people actually think them.

It’s search term share time again. As always, I’ve got some doozies. The stuff you people look for on the interwebs is astounding. But entertaining nonetheless. Especially since it somehow leads you here. I’ll take what I can get.

1. “[insert several athletes names here] nude.” Next to general searches for Miles Austin and Jamie Langenbrunner, pervs looking for nekkid athletes is at the top of the list of what leads people here. I hate to disappoint them ALL, but there’s nothing here about any nude players. That’s better left for the imagination.

…wait, what were we talking about?

2. “lady giants patron.” I don’t even know what this means. And it’s generated several hits. Am I missing out on something? Is this some new hip cocktail the kids are drinking?

3. “me at the bengals game.” I’m dead serious. Someone typed that in. I know how it led them here, but still, it’s hilarious. What goes through someone’s head when they search for that? Let me do some googling to find out if there’s anything about me being at a pro football game. Cause I’m kind of a big deal.

Not really. But welcome!

4. “matt niskanen lost myself lyric.” Hmmm…a Niskanen original recording? “matt niskanen dating”. I wouldn’t call what young hockey players do dating. “real men wear pink niskanen ad campaign.” A hockey player, recording artist AND model…apparently.

5. “tony romo gay caught with marion barber”. SERIOUSLY? Whoever you are, I’m glad you have the internet to hide behind. Barber will cut you.

6. “miles austin eye color.” They’re a color I like to call GORGEOUS. (Too much?)

7. “character traits of Donovan McNabb.” Is mentally unstable a character trait? How about insecurity? Jackassery? I’ll stop.

8. “ed hochuli penis.” I can’t make this up. Cause WHY would I make that up?

9. “crazy lil sports lady.” True story! And that’s me! *waves*

10. “taylor lautner longhorn.” HA! My plan, it’s working…

The downside of talking about Taylor is the sudden appearance spam comments linking to naked pictures of Miley Cyrus and Kim Kardashian. Since THOSE are applicable to this blog. Well, apparently anyone naked is. Good times.

I caused a stir with something I said in my last post and even though I don’t have to clarify, I will for the hell of it. I’m sweet that way. The whole analogy of “my taste in teams is much like my taste in guys…” is NOTHING AGAINST the guys I’ve been in any sort of relationship with. People are who they are. And after all, there were reasons I liked them all in the first place and reasons I can’t get over a few. Aside from my lunacy. Teams and boys can break my heart over and over again and I ridiculously come back for more. Eventually one of my teams will be amazing enough to win me another championship and some guy will be awesome enough to never let me down. So that comment was totally me being hard on myself  and my patterns because, trust me, that’s what I do best.

Moving on…back in December I discovered how entertaining the search terms that lead people to this blog are in Turn me inside out and learn me. Since I took a stupidly long hiatus, I have some catching up to do. Oh, but it’s been worth the wait…

1. The Top 5 search terms: Jamie Langenbrunner, hockey room, Miles Austin, trying to find my way back home and Petr Buzek.

Jamie Langenbrunner I get. Hockey room I kinda get. Miles Austin is the obvious all time search term leader at CLSL. This will come as a surprise to absolutely no one. Not even a noob. “Miles Austin girlfried” is actually in the top 20. Ladies, I have no idea if he has a girlfriend and I don’t care as long as he keeps catching the ball and doesn’t change his eye color. “Trying to find my way back home” are idiots looking for song lyrics, why they click on a sports blog I have no idea. But the one that leaves me absolutely dumbfounded is Petr Buzek. If you’re Googling Petr Buzek, dude, introduce yourself. I refuse to believe anyone outside of Kalamazoo and myself remember and give a crap who he is. Unless…he’s Googling himself. In that case, well, that’s another discussion all together.

PB

Funny enough, I just did a Google image search for Petr and two pictures of me came up. Huh. He just thought he could get away from me by moving back to the Czech Republic and retiring!

(edit: also whilst searching for a picture to use in this post, I came across a video interview with him from last year. This is the first thing I’ve seen with him for over six years. If I miss 14 typos before I post this…you now know why, as the 18 y ear-old in me died a little and I am ruined).

2. Burbank sports bar, The Office Bar and Grill, sports bars in LA, etc.

Several searches for sports bars lead people here. In case you pop upon this post first, I reviewed several Los Angeles area sports bars here in She don’t mean nothing – she’s just having fun. I’m kinda slacking in this department. But have no fear, football season starts in less than two months. So my alocholism and hot wing addictions are sure to kick back in.

3. ” hot girl cowboys game”

I don’t even know where to begin. First of all, this doesn’t make sense grammatically. Second of all, this just doesn’t make COMMON SENSE. Hey that hot girl who sat down the row from me at the Bengals game, or that hot girl I saw on TV during the Ravens game…I bet I can Google her!

No. You can’t.

4. “jamie langenbrunner nude”

This came up (no pun intended) in the first search term post as well and it doesn’t seem to be stopping. Which, ew. For the record I never mention Langenbrunner nude EVER.

5. “sport bars in los angeles for cowboy fan”

Yankee Doodles on Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica. Every game. We are the cat’s pyjamas.

6. “how to dress like Tim Riggins”

Oh, Timmy Riggins

This is probably my favorite search term EVER. Absolutely fabulous. I even tweeted about it. Here’s my question, do you actually watch Friday Night Lights? (If you don’t, YOU SHOULD) Because if you do, you’d know to just crawl out of bed looking all morning after tussled and hot, throw on week old jeans and a flannel shirt half buttoned and you’re good to go. Instant chick manget, that 33.

And brace yourself for not so lucky number seven…

7. “gay men hockey players s**king d**k in locker room”

Um…

Yeah.

Random P.S. Speaking of relationship nonsense, I’ve been asked to guest blog over at Excuse My Nonsense. This site is owned and operated by one of my best friends and examines the lives and insanity of single ladies knocking on the door 0f 30. It’s like a younger Sex and the City, but takes place in New York, Dallas and Los Angeles, with too many pet dogs, no designer shoes and not enough sleeping around. My first post can be found here, When I grow up.

CLSL is closing in on its three monthaversary. One of the most fascinating (and rather disturbing) features of WordPress is being able to see what search terms led folks to this blog. Because I am easily entertained, I’ve decided to form an occasional Q&A out of what these weirdos are searching for.

1. “you win some you learn some”

The title of this post. They’re also lyrics from Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours.” If you’ve not figured out by now, titles of all my posts come from song lyrics. They may or may not make sense or be applicable to the post, just depends on what I’m listening to and/or writing about. Or what mood I’m in. The title of this post comes from Bob Schneider’s “Big Blue Sea.” If you know me, you know how hard Bob rocks my world.

Never heard of him, sorry.

2. “miles austin pictures”

Who’s this Miles Austin you speak of?! (P.S. Google Images).

3. “gay lady wants man meetup cam calgary”

I…wow. You made a wrong turn somewhere, sister. I talked about Calgary in this post, but something tells me stalking Czech hockey players isn’t the sort of thing you’re into.

4. “what to do when she is crazy about sport”

You grow some balls, that’s what you do. And don’t let her go, you might not find another one like her.

5. “team canada hockey memories”

Aw, that’s sweet. I got nothing about Team Canada, but plenty of hockey memories here, here and here.

6. “anaheim ducks – ride the zamboni”

Dirty birds. I hate them. But they might let you ride their…zamboni.

7. “jamie langenbrunner nude”

Okay, really? Good luck with that. During your search, should you find anything (nude or otherwise) about his younger brother (I think his name is Ryan? can’t remember)…yeah, get back to me on that.

"Allowing Sean Avery to be himself seems penance enough" - THN

8. “sean avery”

My caffeine induced tirade regarding manwhore him can be found here.

9. “miles austin myspace”

Him again? Perplexing. (P.S. he doesn’t have a MySpace…Demarcus Ware and Jay Ratliff do, however).

10. “blinged out dallas cowboys football shirt”

Whatever. I’m sure they’re out there. Or you can buy a bedazzler and go to town on that Romo jersey. Go girl.

11. “sport bars in los angeles for cowboy fan”

You can’t really throw a football on Sunday without hitting some sort of Cowboys fan. They can be found in most sports bars, we don’t have our own bar like Philadelphia and Boston fans (gag and puke). However, per this post, you’ll see a large contingent of fans meets for every game at Yankee Doodles in Santa Monica. See you Sunday.

12. “miles austin jersey”

Okay I give in. You want one? Tough. Go to the NFL Shop and have one made like I did. Contrary to delusional beliefs, Austin jerseys aren’t mass produced and stockpiled like Romo, Owens and Barber. I know, right? I already have both blue and white Barber jerseys, but so does EVERYBODY ELSE in Dallas. And I like to be different (and I’m crazy). Therefore, last weekend when the NFL shop was having an after Thanksgiving sale…well, my Austin jersey is on the way.

13. “chris collinsworth nude”

WHY?! You sick f*ck. Stay of the internet.