This book might have made me like baseball a little bit more

I hate reading books where authors write to hear their own voices. Look at me I’m so smart, I know all these fancy words and amazing information, blah blah blah. I LOVE books about the history of the movie industry. But the ones that don’t read like text books and/or weren’t written by snooty d-bags are few and far between.

Despite the fact I am a frequent visitor to Deadspin, there was just something about “God Save the Fan” that made me hesitant to read it. I was afraid it was going to be like someone puked all their insane sports knowledge into one book. But I bore witness to Buzz Bissinger’s attempted rape and ass chewing of Will Leitch on Costas Now, so I knew at some point I had to read this book. And lucky for Leitch, my “God Save the Fan” was paperback and my “Men With Balls” is hardback and I was flying. I detest flying with hardbacks. See how I make decisions? Just go with what’s lighter and softer. Apparently I make all life choices as if I was picking out toilet paper.

Anyhow, my worries about “God Save the Fan” proved absolutely, positively untrue. I zoomed through this book during my trip, which is astounding since I barely have free time when in freak convention mode. I started in on it the minute I finished “The Football Fan’s Manifesto”, which actually didn’t help my hesitations because Manifesto is bloody hilarious. No one wants to go back to class after recess. But “God Save the Fan” is not only up to snuff humor wise, but also very informative in a not so in your face I’m smarter than you, dumb ass sort of way. The only chapter that threw me was about race relations in player/fan relationships, so to speak. I think I knew what he was trying to say and I THINK I agree with him, it’s just the type of chapter you read and at some point go “wait, what?” Other than that, the Fans section (in which you can find said chapter) is by far my favorite.

Backing up, I have to give Leitch mucho kudos not only for watching ESPN for 24 hours straight, cause really I can’t deal with much more than PTI after I watch one round of SportsCenter on MUTE in the morning at the gym (and the occasional viewing of NFL Live), but also for dedicating an entire chapter to his continued fanship of a Could Have Been. I talk about former NHL player Petr Buzek a LOT on here and my fanship of him falls into that category. He was a Could Have Been. But I still love him. Something tells me Leitch didn’t want to have Rick Ankiel’s babies, but still, you get the gist.

Back to the aforementioned Fans section, it holds lots of truisms. How our love for our fantasy team can outweigh that of our actual team on occasion because we are actually somewhat in control and his guide for “How Not to be a Jerk at a Baseball Game”, in my opinion, crosses the lines of all professional sporting events. Especially why it’s unfortunately not cool to cut the annoying kid behind you, etc. In addition, his stories about a small Cardinals group that formed in New York during their World Series run epitomizes a lot of the ways I love my Cowboys group here in Los Angeles. I’ve often thought about what I would do when we make it to the Super Bowl again. First and foremost, I OBVIOUSLY would try to go. But what if I don’t? Do I go home? Do I stay here? I’d like to think I would stay here, because the way Leitch and his fellow Cards fans celebrated the NLCS is the way I’ve envisioned victory would be for our little group:

Suddenly, the bar wheeled out cheap champagne…I shook up two bottles and sprayed anybody in sight, then poured a bottle over my own head. Then I grabbed two more and repeated the process.

The madness continued for about two hours…everyone in the bar was immediately bonded for life at that point, and we busted out digital cameras and Kodaks and anything to help us record what was happening. I kissed a woman I had never seen and might have been standing next to her husband, who just smiled and danced.

The night wore on, and nobody stopped screaming until 3 a.m.

P.S. Two days till THE VEGAS!

As I sit here staring at my fantasy baseball team, I can’t help but think – damn, was I THIS lost and ridiculously confused when I started fantasy football? Imma go with NO, not so much. Being raised in Texas is synonymous with being raised on football. So even though I had a lot of learning to do when it came to playing fantasy (and there’s still plenty of room for improvement, but I’m already a mid-level rock star at it, if I do say so), I wasn’t absolutely clueless in the beginning.

Like I am now. With baseball. Basically I feel like…a girl. And I need to make it stop. Right now, it’s a bunch of numbers and letters on a

She's hot, I know

webpage…I know that I’m currently winning 5-4, but that means jack monkey. It’s been nine very long years since I took a French class and I can still speak it better than I can fantasy baseball (however, French was my minor…) I’ve challenged myself to crack this. I love a good puzzle…that’s why I like playing (more like co-piloting) the Resident Evil and Silent Hill games, cause there are PUZZLES.  I don’t like when I can’t make things work. And work well. Don’t put it past me to show up at the gym each morning with a print out of my roster so I can compare it to what’s being discussed on SportsCenter.

Other than a brief period of thinking I was a Yankees fan in college (don’t hate, I didn’t know any better…and I did get to go to a game in Yankee Stadium, which is more than a lot of you can say!) I’ve really never been into the baseball. In fact, I think we need to take a vote on what our national pastime is…cause it’s now called FOOTBALL. But whatever. I’ll make this work.

Speaking of SportsCenter in the morning – is it just me or do all the female anchors have porn star names? Hannah Storm? Sage Steele? Seriously? On that note, one of these days, I’ll have to discuss my love/hate relationship with the women today in sports journalism.

Congratulations to UNC, since no one saw that coming.

UPDATE: this is me waving the white towel on fantasy baseball…months ago.

My favorite quote from the interweb so far today?

Does anyone know where TO is selling his “iCUT” t-shirts? Anyone?

Thank you, Animal Mother, from KSK. That made me giggle.

Peace out, Eight-One, it's been real

I am not familiar with the notion of “ask and ye shall receive”, so bear with my twitterpation at T.O. being released. When I said the other day I wanted to give him away for my birthday, er…I didn’t think they’d actually do it, and do it  ON my birthday. I should’ve asterixed that bitch with “and re-sign Miles Austin in the process.” For serious.

I was at my birthday dinner at Beso last night when the first text came in. I almost made a damn scene. Which is hysterical given the fact they were filming the very last episode of The Hills. Lauren Conrad and Brody Jenner were 15 feet in front of us. So if you see some fool of a girl in a pink jacket in the background screaming “OH MY GOD THEY ACTUALLY DID IT” at some point? Totally me. And you can be cool and be like “and I know what’s she’s talking about!” This morning, I laid in bed and watched SportsCenter for an hour. Sorry dogs, I know you need to eat…but Ed Werder is back in Valley Ranch. Must Watch. All Of It. Six Times. These fools on ESPN are no better than Access Hollywood. But can I stop watching it? No. It’s like Britney shaved her head all over again, except I actually give a crap about this.

This is my favorite, “stay tuned to find out the real story behind T.O.’s release.” Okay really? I’m sorry, but if I’m living, breathing and watching SportsCenter at 7 O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING, I know why the frick it happened.

I love that all the draft monkeys now think we’ll go for a wideout with our first pick (2nd round). I’m no expert, I’m just a fan, both a monetary and emotional investor, if you will…and I believe we have bigger concerns. Especially after the loss of Canty, the Kitna trade and cutting Pacman and SS Roy Williams (both well deserved). The focus should be on the o-line and the secondary.  I’m fine with fielding what we got. Make WR Roy Williams the starter and see which kid steps up in training camp as a #2. Everyone is throwing T.O.’s stats around today and yelling about how the other WRs barely produce for what he did/can. I don’t give a rat’s ass. Not after what he did to the locker room…cause the last time I checked, that wasn’t us in the Super Bowl. Therefore, stats mean jack. And I bet we might be surprised when the wealth is spread around the field, not only to handful of capable wideouts (not just focusing on one crack smoker) but also to two very capable TEs. I’m more stressed about playing fantasy baseball for the first time than I am what the Cowboys are going to do at wide receiver. It was time to clean house and for once, Jerry listened to real, educated people and did what needed to be done.

I highly suggest whoever signs him does so for two years, we all know by now what happens towards the end of the second and definitely during the third, if things aren’t going well or as planned out by the voices in his head. My gut tells me Oakland. Cause everyone likes when a plane crash falls on top of a train wreck.