This book might have made me like baseball a little bit more

I hate reading books where authors write to hear their own voices. Look at me I’m so smart, I know all these fancy words and amazing information, blah blah blah. I LOVE books about the history of the movie industry. But the ones that don’t read like text books and/or weren’t written by snooty d-bags are few and far between.

Despite the fact I am a frequent visitor to Deadspin, there was just something about “God Save the Fan” that made me hesitant to read it. I was afraid it was going to be like someone puked all their insane sports knowledge into one book. But I bore witness to Buzz Bissinger’s attempted rape and ass chewing of Will Leitch on Costas Now, so I knew at some point I had to read this book. And lucky for Leitch, my “God Save the Fan” was paperback and my “Men With Balls” is hardback and I was flying. I detest flying with hardbacks. See how I make decisions? Just go with what’s lighter and softer. Apparently I make all life choices as if I was picking out toilet paper.

Anyhow, my worries about “God Save the Fan” proved absolutely, positively untrue. I zoomed through this book during my trip, which is astounding since I barely have free time when in freak convention mode. I started in on it the minute I finished “The Football Fan’s Manifesto”, which actually didn’t help my hesitations because Manifesto is bloody hilarious. No one wants to go back to class after recess. But “God Save the Fan” is not only up to snuff humor wise, but also very informative in a not so in your face I’m smarter than you, dumb ass sort of way. The only chapter that threw me was about race relations in player/fan relationships, so to speak. I think I knew what he was trying to say and I THINK I agree with him, it’s just the type of chapter you read and at some point go “wait, what?” Other than that, the Fans section (in which you can find said chapter) is by far my favorite.

Backing up, I have to give Leitch mucho kudos not only for watching ESPN for 24 hours straight, cause really I can’t deal with much more than PTI after I watch one round of SportsCenter on MUTE in the morning at the gym (and the occasional viewing of NFL Live), but also for dedicating an entire chapter to his continued fanship of a Could Have Been. I talk about former NHL player Petr Buzek a LOT on here and my fanship of him falls into that category. He was a Could Have Been. But I still love him. Something tells me Leitch didn’t want to have Rick Ankiel’s babies, but still, you get the gist.

Back to the aforementioned Fans section, it holds lots of truisms. How our love for our fantasy team can outweigh that of our actual team on occasion because we are actually somewhat in control and his guide for “How Not to be a Jerk at a Baseball Game”, in my opinion, crosses the lines of all professional sporting events. Especially why it’s unfortunately not cool to cut the annoying kid behind you, etc. In addition, his stories about a small Cardinals group that formed in New York during their World Series run epitomizes a lot of the ways I love my Cowboys group here in Los Angeles. I’ve often thought about what I would do when we make it to the Super Bowl again. First and foremost, I OBVIOUSLY would try to go. But what if I don’t? Do I go home? Do I stay here? I’d like to think I would stay here, because the way Leitch and his fellow Cards fans celebrated the NLCS is the way I’ve envisioned victory would be for our little group:

Suddenly, the bar wheeled out cheap champagne…I shook up two bottles and sprayed anybody in sight, then poured a bottle over my own head. Then I grabbed two more and repeated the process.

The madness continued for about two hours…everyone in the bar was immediately bonded for life at that point, and we busted out digital cameras and Kodaks and anything to help us record what was happening. I kissed a woman I had never seen and might have been standing next to her husband, who just smiled and danced.

The night wore on, and nobody stopped screaming until 3 a.m.

P.S. Two days till THE VEGAS!

Readers, I really hate Mondays. The only things I hate worse than Mondays are the Eagles, Scott Gomez, the 101 and water chestnuts. What makes this Monday particularly atrocious: we open a movie on Friday so there’s potential for mutiny in the office, I HAVE to go grocery shopping after work and no one likes that (if you do, you’re a weirdo), I couldn’t care less about tonight’s MNF, I’m fighting off the bitterness of losing my first fantasy football game (by less than five points; McGahee – you’re on my shit list, son) and it’s so gloomy outside I should be at home under two blankets, snuggled with the pooches, watching Battlestar Gallactica, drinking hot chocolate topped with a scoach of Bailey’s. Mmm.

In a painful effort to be positive (blurgh) I do have to say that today is somewhat bearable because I managed to put makeup on before noon, am loving my new scarf from Old Navy, have a cold, cold Diet Coke on my desk (the elixir or life), the newness and lickability of the Taylor Lautner Rolling Stone photo shoot hasn’t worn off (my heart dies every time they put a football in that kid’s hands) and the interwebs are totes overloaded with Miles Austin.

Record breaking run

I feel like I’ve spent the last year and a half on the campaign trail for this young, blue-eyed wideout from Jersey (yeah, I try to forget that tidbit) to become the next President of the Dallas Cowboys Receiving Core. I don’t think ANYONE was ever listening to me or taking me seriously. Can’t really say I blame you, but it’s whatever now…cause eff you. Nikki FTW.

As an uber fan, it’s imperative to stick to your man through thick and thin. However, (here’s the segue from one version of today’s topic to the next…wait for it…) at what point does a TEAM stop sticking with a player through thick and thin? Tis a tricky predicament, that one. I hear this is a business, after all.

Last week I caught most of ESPN’S “30 on 30″ about Edmonton trading Gretzky to LA. Holy pucks the uproar that caused…the GM’s family even had to leave town. Koo koo Canadians. Not that I can blame them, that would be like America gifting the Statue of Liberty to Canada. We’d have to do more than just call shenanigans. Anyhow, in addition, several weeks ago PTI covered Phillies’ pitcher Brad Lidge’s horrific slump towards the end of the MLB regular season. Kornheiser commented that during the playoffs “you cannot put a guy out there you don’t have confidence in.” True story…perhaps?

How the Oilers and Phillies handled each of these situations was dependent upon what was best for the organizations, not what the fans wanted. In the end, Gretzky is now responsible for the explosion of hockey in Los Angeles, if not the entire Western United States and Lidge led the defending champs to a 6-5 victory over the Rockies last night to take a 2-1 lead in the NLDS. A personal example: I was destroyed when the Stars left Petr unprotected during the 1999 expansion draft and Atlanta took him. DESTROYED. But although his pro career didn’t last long afterward, he spent the majority of it in the NHL, made the All Star Team as a rookie and won a world championship. Chances are none of that would’ve happened if he’d stayed with the Stars. And I got to go to Atlanta and Calgary! Good times. Sometimes you just gotta let it play out.

Open issues

Having said that, there are some major issues on the table in Dallas. Do the Cowboys stand by Romo? Do the Stars stick with Turco? Both are huge fan favorites, but these aren’t questions that just popped up last week. These are 2-3 year-old problems. Neither of these guys have proved their worth in the playoffs. And right now neither of them are proving consistency in the regular season. I know it’s early, but again, these are long term open wounds. Not one of my mystery bruises that randomly pop up after I’ve been drinking. I don’t even know how *I* feel about what should be done. Although you’ll never see me wearing his jersey, I like Romo, he seems like a good dude. But damn. And Turco is even tougher. I have personal ties to him that make it heart-wrenching, so I kinda avoid talking about him. I really can’t imagine Marty on another team.

But at the end of the day, I’m honest enough to admit that my loyalty is to the teams over any individual player and selfish enough to say I want to see the Stanley Cup and Lombardi Trophy back in Dallas. No team should sell their souls for or buy a championship (*cough* Yankees) but changes, albeit temporarily hurtful to the fans, sometimes have to be made.

With everything I read and watch about sports, it’s sometimes difficult to retain ALL the information. I have to leave SOME room for shoes, what happened on this week’s Grey’s Anatomy and actual current events. And there’s only so many brain cells left that alcohol hasn’t killed (those we lost, they put up a good fight). I tend to remember the info under the categories of “random crap” or “crap I disagree with”.

FOR EXAMPLE, sometime last week I caught up on some Stars reading at the Dallas Morning News website. Mike Heika has always been the main man for the Stars over there and I’ve generally never had issues with him. He was hockey when hockey wasn’t cool. However, during a recent Q&A this is pretty much how it went…

Q: What should the Stars do about Coach Tippett? A. Blah blah blah or wait till the summer.

Q: What should the Stars do about Marty Turco? A. Blah blah blah, no trade clause, blah blah blah or wait till the summer.

Q: What should the Stars do about this ridiculous system of having two GMs? Especially two GMs who have compeletley different playing philosophies? A. WAIT FOR IT…blah blah blah or wait till the summer.

DUDE, it’s freakin’ DECEMBER! I don’t care to wait until goddamn June to fix my bottom the the barrel team. A

Would the real Turco please come home?!

team that, need I remind you, made it to the Western Conference Finals last season. Please to be fixing them sometime within the near futute, thanks! Heika’s argument is that in the 15 years the Stars have been in Dallas, we’ve rarely seen lean times. I call shenanigans. With the talent this team has, how far they got last season, there is no excuse. My advice? Ditch a GM and make a change in coach. I guarantee you, we’ll at least get our goalie back in form if that goes down. I know things.

Maybe I’m a little bit frightened that I find myself checking to see how the Kings did before I see if the Stars even played. Just because IF the Stars did play, the inevitable outcome would be another kick in the balls. (Please note I don’t actually have balls).

Speaking of disgruntled fans, EXAMPLE TWO, I was watching today’s PTI while whipping up some din din and one of the boys, while discussing the fate of Donovan McNabb, said Philly fans are all about “what have you done for me lately.” This comment has me torn in two. The bitch in me who loathes Philly fans says kharma is a dirty whore and she’ll f*ck you over when she can. Therefore, if you put a little more nice into the universe you might just get a little bit more back! However, the sypathetic fan in me (and I’m not happy about saying this…) wonders if you can really blame them for being dicks about it? The Eagles have never been able to seal the deal. Although that colors me all sorts of giddy (sitting on top of 5 Super Bowl championships, no less), it has to suck to be them. Having said that, hell hath not frozen over, I will never be able to tolerate them (there’s an exception to every rule, however) and they’ve got the World Series to nurse for awhile…just saying I CAN look at two signs of the coin. Otherwise, I’d be contradicting all the whining I just did about the Stars. Think about it.

A few months ago someone (he’ll know who he is should he ever read this…I’ll decide if I should thank him later) made this bizarre suggestion that I should do a sports blog. But Nikki there are so many sports blogs, you say. And I say sweet Baby Jesus, you are correct! But this dude and my equally misinformed friends seem to think (suckers!) I am quite the anomaly. Sure there are plenty of vagina carrying humans who love a good athletic competition for time to time. However, it’s safe to say not too many of them let their interest border on questionable personality traits and/or behavior not befitting a reputable, professional young lady raised in the South. Well…f*ck that. I am who I am. And have I mentioned yet my team is better than yours? I can’t hear insults or unnecessary comments through five Super Bowl championships.

So I will attempt to do this. After all, I WAS a writer at some point in my life and have let those talents go to rubbish. Don’t expect a lot. I may not always make sense, I may not always be sober. I get a little too wrapped up and heated up sometimes to control the words coming out of my mouth…or via my text messages. I know what I’m talking about a good 99% of the time, if I don’t…I have a degree in bullshit (no really, it’s a public relations degree). Do expect a good dose of complete randomness. It’s what I do best.

Things you should know before we get started. I have been a Dallas Stars fan since they skated into Big D. I worshiped Mike Modano for a good portion of the beginning years, but gave that up when I realized the water I thought he walked on was actually frozen (pun totally intended). I’ve been all over North America for hockey purposes, stories which I’ll tell as we pass the coming days, weeks or however long you’ll listen (read?) me. I was born a Dallas Cowboys fan and would currently have Marion Barber’s babies even though my father would kill me. Hockey and football aren’t the only sports I follow, but they’re the ones I live and breathe. I detest the Detroit Red Wings and the Philadelphia Eagles with a undisputed and not to be rivaled red hot flaming passion. I play fantasy football and can be quite good at it (and so humble, too!) I used to DVR PTI, Around the Horn and NFL Live every day, but let them go in preparation for fall TV, but still keep up online…religiously. Wilbon is my homeboy. I’m desperately trying to NOT become a Lakers fan, despite the insistence of both my bosses and the fact I like the white boys on the team (I never like the white boys). Plus, the traffic the bandwagonners cause during playoffs annoys me like none other. Not a day goes by I don’t skim and/or actually read ESPN.com, Yahoo! Shutdown Corner, Deadspin, Blogging the Boys and wherever else my clicking takes me.

I have an opinion on everything. You may not agree, hell, many may not agree but I don’t really care. This is one area of my life where I don’t actually care what people think. Enjoy my passion, it’s pure entertainment. I get agitated, I shake, I scream out demands for Donovan McNabb’s painful destruction.

I hope you enjoy, recommend the blog to those who would have fun with it, make comments, LOTS of comments…and get your popcorn ready. (Lord, that was cheesy).