Seventeen years ago “Mighty Ducks” turned me into a hockey fan. That’s officially over half my life. Very odd for someone who was born and raised in Texas and a sport that was born and raised in Canada. Before Norm Green moved the Stars to Dallas about the only thing the countries of Canada and Texas had in common was a love for beer and the ability to produce a good bull rider. Now, there is absolutely no doubt Texas is THE predominant hockey state in the South and kids are growing up in Dallas loving the Stars just as much as the Cowboys, Rangers or Mavericks. There are two main reasons for its popularity: the Stars have produced Dallas’ only championship in 14 years…and Mike Modano.

Meeting Modano for the first time, 1994

Although it was pretty much apparent at the end of this season that Modano was more than likely not returning, the Stars officially sealed the deal yesterday. So it’s time to say goodbye. When it came to the growth of a sport, Modano was twice the hockey ambassador to Dallas than Gary Bettman only wished Sidney Crosby was to the United States. Our appreciation for the game, mine specifically, is about 90% thanks to him. In 17 years I’ve only had two actual legitimate favorite players, Mike Modano and Jamie Langenbrunner. The others (such as Petr Buzek) were total personal infatuations and took on a stalking life of their own. So basically, Modano will forever be King of Hockey in my world and in this neck of the woods. I call mutiny if 9 isn’t hanging from the rafters of American Airlines Center before the first puck drops next season.

Modano wants to keep playing and should he do so, seeing him in another jersey won’t be anything less than weird and heartbreaking. I want him to be happy, so a fresh start (as with Marty Turco) just might do the trick. I agree with Mike Heika, “a happy Modano would be fun to watch“.

I know this isn’t officially goodbye, as much as Mike loves Dallas, it’s more like see you later…just not on our ice in our colors. All I ask, for the love, don’t go all Favre on us, Mo.

I had no intentions of returning to Southern California until August. Tis BFF’s birthday and the Cowboys are in Oxnard for training camp then San Diego for a pre-season game. However, three weeks ago BFF calls with the news she’s scored tickets to the Eclipse premiere. I’ve NEVER hid the fact that I’m a Twi-hard, so I’ve no taste for your haterade. Just be thankful the squealing 14 year-old stays contained within. And besides, I promise this is going somewhere.

At the premiere party...check out that mad tan line!

Although my financially-sound, better judgment attempted to be the decision maker on whether or not to fly out, it took all of 18 hours for it to be overpowered by my dominant better half who has a penchant for obsession. Not to mention my entire self needed a getaway before I went bananas in a bad way at work. So a plane ticket was booked, a dress was bought and the Disneyland annual pass was ready to go. It was time to go back, back to Cali, Cali. I must admit mixed feelings ensued. I’ve enjoyed my life in Dallas thus far, despite a work load and temperatures created by the Devil himself. I have a great duplex in a neighborhood I’ve wanted to live in for forevs, a 13-minute commute and access to all my long-term friends and family. The only thing missing right now is football season and the Spanish and/or French lover I’m on the hunt for to tide me over till I finally get my hands on Taylor Lautner (more on that later, duh!). So I knew this trip could have it’s emotional consequences. And it did, more so than I’ll tell anyone in person. I do NOT – let me infinitely repeat, do NOT – miss Los Angeles. The traffic, lack of parking, soul sucking atmosphere and kryptonitic cute Jewish boys…get a sister outta there, stat. However, California (not to be confused with LA, they are NOT one and the same) I miss so much it hurts my heart. I spent quite a bit of time on the beach at Crystal Cove (Newport) and it’s all I could do not to leave LAX in tears on Saturday. Had I possessed a job or a man I loved and gotten the hell out of LA, I don’t think I would have left. In no way do I regret my decision to move back to Dallas, I did what was best for me at that (and this) point. Having said that, there was a moment on Saturday morning, right as the sun broke through the June gloom, with my toes in the sand, that I realized the rest of my life is TBD and I am okay with that…FINALLY.

Breakfast with BFF on the beach...pure perfection!

So the entire trip was as perfect as it could have been. The premiere was fun, although  I DEFINITELY almost went bananas in a terrible, very bad way whilst in the trillion-person line to retrieve our cell phones after the screening. I fell absolutely, positively in love with little Taylor all over again. I still want to put him in my pocket, feed him Reese’s Puffs cereal and let him watch football with me. (If that’s all you think I want to do with/to him…you’re delusional). ANYWAY, pros of the after party were mac-n-cheese, Crumb cupcakes, champagne and I managed to look hot. Cons of the after party were decorations that looked like an illegitimate, deformed child of a  Costco camping display and a really bad prom. Carnations and fake snow do not make an appropriate center piece for most occasions, most of all for a premiere party for the biggest movie of the year. Just saying.

So TO THE POINT…the celebrity guest list for this gig was leaked hours before. It so happened to include Kim Kardashian. You just had an A-HA! moment, right? Let me just say, as far as I know, she wasn’t there. On the off chance she was and I ran into her (i.e. stalked her down after a bottle of Cabernet), I made a solemn public promise to friends and fellow Cowboys fans on Facebook that I would not cause a scene. Although I have tried to stay Team Switzerland on this issue, it appears I must make an official statement on the RUMORED union of Miss Kardashian and Miles Austin.

Let there be no mistake, the day I found out, my intern thought someone had killed one of my dogs and I made multiple threats (in my head) to cancel my Shoe Dazzle account. After sleeping on the issue, I discovered I’m as okay with it as possible. There are many reasons to actually like Kim, other than the fact she’s smoking hot. She has a real figure, talks about her cellulite publicly and started a shoe of the month club. And I gotta give her mad props for moving up in the football player food chain. The only set back in my acceptance of their RUMORED relationship was on Friday during cocktails with my Cowboys group in Santa Monica, I was informed that Kim and Miles were apparently cozied up one night at Casa Vega…my absolute favorite restaurant in my former neighborhood. Not gonna lie, I felt a little violated.

But you can take it to the presses that CLSL is officially, albeit maybe a little begrudgingly, okay with Miles Austin dating Kim Kardashian. But probably only till the Taylor Lautner high wears off. Let’s be honest.

That's me! Number 19! I'VE HAD IT FOR A YEAR.

Home safe home from nasty and humid Orlando. Very, very happy to back in Los Angeles. I did jack nothing for Halloween, as I’m having a terrible time adjusting to both the time difference and now the time change. I did make it out to Santa Monica to hang with the Cowboys peeps yesterday, tis been awhile. I’ve decided that 10 a.m. games + bloody marys have taken 3rd place in my ultimate list of soul mates (right after peanut butter + chocolate and me + Taylor Lautner will be when he’s legal…as mentioned before). Anyhow, the Cowboys peeps? Yeah, they’ve decided I’m some sort of oracle thanks to the fact I’ve had a Miles Austin jersey for a year. Have I mentioned I’ve had my jersey for a year? Cause I’ve totally had my jersey for a year. They want to know who I’m buying next, Bennett? Ogletree? What they fail to realize is I put SO MUCH EFFORT into this relationship that I’m tired, fool. I just want to sit back and enjoy the fruits of my labor. You can’t force amazingness, yo.

A funny thing happened whilst walking into a movie theatre yesterday. As I was finding a seat in a sold out auditorium of “This Is It” I swear to Jebus I got the loudest SHOUT OUT ever for my jersey. This dude was like “Wow, Miles Austin…NICE!” I was like “I know.”

So that was a first. Dearest Miles, I’m invisible most of the time to folks…so between me getting a shout out and you getting your own post on Kissing Suzy Kolber, dude, it’s safe to say…YOU HAVE MADE IT.

Speaking of amazingness. And luck. I WON A PS3 LAST WEEK! True story! This makes me happy for multitudes of reasons. I owned a PS3 at one point in time, but I lost it in the Heinous Split of 2008. So here I’ve sat with Blu Rays and no way to play them and a burning itch to finally learn how to play Madden. Not only that, but I use to be pretty bad ass at the EA NHL game. Now you can bring it on, bitches.

There was totes something else I was going to say, but I don’t remember what. Plenty of posts coming this week if I’m not coming down with the pig flu. And I don’t have time for the pig flu, cause I have the Vegas in THREE DAYS!

Before I forget, I have to send a shout out to the bartenders of and highly recommend High Voltage, the sports bar at Marriott World Center in Orlando. Those guys were the shit, despite the fact one was a Philly fan. They were so cool to me, the only girl and only person in a jersey for almost four hours Sunday before last. Three beers and two Miles Austin TDs later I was everyone’s BFF. Especially the guys from Buffalo sitting next to me who kept offering to give TO back and the table of Patriots fans behind me who tried to get my attention for two hours and finally cracked me with “everyone knows Romo is just an ugly version of Brady”. That one got me.

Pink jerseys make the baby jesus sad

Ladies, lose the pink jerseys…unless you’re 12. Then it’s somewhat acceptable (unless you’re my imaginary future child). I’m down with the pink accessories, I have both pink Cowboys and Longhorns caps. I approve because those caps better coordinate with the majority of my wardrobe. And to be honest, while digging around for this post, I found a pink and white striped Cowboys scarf that I like and proceeds (as with a lot of pink product right now) goes to breast cancer funds. THAT is most acceptable and I applaud the efforts of the NFL.

However, the jersey is sacred. You wouldn’t wake up on Fourth of July and wave a pink and white striped American flag NOW WOULD YOU? You think you’re being cute. It’s just annoying. (See: Jessica Simpson, 2007). Michael Tunison from KSK, author of “The Football Fan’s Manifesto“, which I’m reading right now, agrees with me and even suggests dudes avoid the intra-fandom dalliance with girls sporting pink jerseys. Why? Because you look like a moron. Just saying. Not that you’d really want to hook up with one of the fratdouches you meet at sports bars, but let’s not limit options or ruin chances. It’s called preparedness.

Not only that, but also there are quite a few ladies – myself included – who spend a great deal of effort trying to be taken seriously as legitimate football fans. These blasted pink jerseys aren’t helping the cause. If I touched a pink jersey it would negate the four seasons of serious fantasy football I’ve put in.

I’m not retarded, I’m fully aware this was yet another ploy by the money grubbing NFL to add to their jillions of dollars. And unfortunately for all of us, it worked. Hockey tried it for a while…but much like anything hockey does, it failed. But that’s mainly because Gary Bettman is made from the seeds of epic fail. Anyhow, have you ever taken a look a the variety of officially licensed shit there is out there for your team o’ choice? Like seriously taken a look. Because I have. I swear to god I saw a Cowboys onion chopper at a Texas gift store in Grapevine Mills one time. Good luck getting it to produce positive results after Thanksgiving. (Ha! GET IT?!)

I had to share some of the ubershit (and of course commentary about said ubershit) I found online last night while shopping for a normal Cowboys sweatshirt. This craptacular crap is from both the NFL Shop and the official Cowboys shop.

..Continue reading..

Readers, I really hate Mondays. The only things I hate worse than Mondays are the Eagles, Scott Gomez, the 101 and water chestnuts. What makes this Monday particularly atrocious: we open a movie on Friday so there’s potential for mutiny in the office, I HAVE to go grocery shopping after work and no one likes that (if you do, you’re a weirdo), I couldn’t care less about tonight’s MNF, I’m fighting off the bitterness of losing my first fantasy football game (by less than five points; McGahee – you’re on my shit list, son) and it’s so gloomy outside I should be at home under two blankets, snuggled with the pooches, watching Battlestar Gallactica, drinking hot chocolate topped with a scoach of Bailey’s. Mmm.

In a painful effort to be positive (blurgh) I do have to say that today is somewhat bearable because I managed to put makeup on before noon, am loving my new scarf from Old Navy, have a cold, cold Diet Coke on my desk (the elixir or life), the newness and lickability of the Taylor Lautner Rolling Stone photo shoot hasn’t worn off (my heart dies every time they put a football in that kid’s hands) and the interwebs are totes overloaded with Miles Austin.

Record breaking run

I feel like I’ve spent the last year and a half on the campaign trail for this young, blue-eyed wideout from Jersey (yeah, I try to forget that tidbit) to become the next President of the Dallas Cowboys Receiving Core. I don’t think ANYONE was ever listening to me or taking me seriously. Can’t really say I blame you, but it’s whatever now…cause eff you. Nikki FTW.

As an uber fan, it’s imperative to stick to your man through thick and thin. However, (here’s the segue from one version of today’s topic to the next…wait for it…) at what point does a TEAM stop sticking with a player through thick and thin? Tis a tricky predicament, that one. I hear this is a business, after all.

Last week I caught most of ESPN’S “30 on 30″ about Edmonton trading Gretzky to LA. Holy pucks the uproar that caused…the GM’s family even had to leave town. Koo koo Canadians. Not that I can blame them, that would be like America gifting the Statue of Liberty to Canada. We’d have to do more than just call shenanigans. Anyhow, in addition, several weeks ago PTI covered Phillies’ pitcher Brad Lidge’s horrific slump towards the end of the MLB regular season. Kornheiser commented that during the playoffs “you cannot put a guy out there you don’t have confidence in.” True story…perhaps?

How the Oilers and Phillies handled each of these situations was dependent upon what was best for the organizations, not what the fans wanted. In the end, Gretzky is now responsible for the explosion of hockey in Los Angeles, if not the entire Western United States and Lidge led the defending champs to a 6-5 victory over the Rockies last night to take a 2-1 lead in the NLDS. A personal example: I was destroyed when the Stars left Petr unprotected during the 1999 expansion draft and Atlanta took him. DESTROYED. But although his pro career didn’t last long afterward, he spent the majority of it in the NHL, made the All Star Team as a rookie and won a world championship. Chances are none of that would’ve happened if he’d stayed with the Stars. And I got to go to Atlanta and Calgary! Good times. Sometimes you just gotta let it play out.

Open issues

Having said that, there are some major issues on the table in Dallas. Do the Cowboys stand by Romo? Do the Stars stick with Turco? Both are huge fan favorites, but these aren’t questions that just popped up last week. These are 2-3 year-old problems. Neither of these guys have proved their worth in the playoffs. And right now neither of them are proving consistency in the regular season. I know it’s early, but again, these are long term open wounds. Not one of my mystery bruises that randomly pop up after I’ve been drinking. I don’t even know how *I* feel about what should be done. Although you’ll never see me wearing his jersey, I like Romo, he seems like a good dude. But damn. And Turco is even tougher. I have personal ties to him that make it heart-wrenching, so I kinda avoid talking about him. I really can’t imagine Marty on another team.

But at the end of the day, I’m honest enough to admit that my loyalty is to the teams over any individual player and selfish enough to say I want to see the Stanley Cup and Lombardi Trophy back in Dallas. No team should sell their souls for or buy a championship (*cough* Yankees) but changes, albeit temporarily hurtful to the fans, sometimes have to be made.

I am supposed to be on my way to Disneyland right now, but am fully aware of the hits my blog will be taking over the next 24 hours. Miles Austin and my longtime fixation with him have always driven a good 75%-80% of CLSL traffic. I HAPPILY welcome all my newbies and hope you come back for more…and more. Me taking a few seconds to post a quick update was a MUST. Cause Readers, I’ve known for awhile this day was coming and have been waiting somewhat patiently (sometimes annoyingly so…) for it to get here. Today’s game isn’t really a win the Cowboys or fans, as a whole, can be proud of. However, Miles Austin certainly can. He saved our asses. And there will be mutiny in Dallas if he’s not the starter now.

It’s funny, I’ve had my jersey for almost a year and now they’re going to be popping up all over Dallas like blondes with fake boobs. But it’s safe to say no fan in all of Texas received as many texts, tweets, Facebook comments and messages after today’s game as I did. I feel like I won the thing myself, CRACKS ME UP. And to be honest, I’d be drowning in fantasy right now (I’m undefeated thus far this season) if it wasn’t for the 39.4 points he got me.

However, having said all of this, if he fumbles four times and trips over his own feet in two weeks I will still be a fan. I don’t do bandwagon.

Cheers. Now I gotta go get my Mickey on.

[EDIT] Disneyland was a clusterf*ck. Skipped it, had dinner and drinks and cried through Bright Star. Came home, watching the Stars game (damn the OTs today!!!) and have replayed this six times…

Also: Post-game interview from DallasCowboys.com

Readers, I know I crossed some minds today. I appreciate that, it gives me warm fuzzies. Remind me to never not wear my Austin jersey ever, ever again. I’m ashamed. I threw it back and wore Barber today. But that paid off as well. It was a good, good day in Cowboy nation. A day made even better by Miles scoring the first TD of the season. But most importantly, we learned a valuable lesson today. A quote from my March 5 post Better as a memory, than as your man:

And I bet we might be surprised when the wealth is spread around the field

And that’s a true story. Four TDs from four different guys; three passes, one rush. Awesome. Fingers crossed they can keep up the diversity and production, cause lord knows the defense needs help. Until then, I am not entirely sure what I’ve watched most, the new New Moon trailer or this:

And from Tim MacMahon at the DMN: Austin lives up to big-play billing.

Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome back

Readers, I wish you all a very happy and healthy NFL Kickoff Day and 2009 Season! This is going to be a very intriguing season for many teams (mine most certainly included) and I am totally stoked. If we learned anything from last season, no one can predict how this will end. Despite the fact it feels like just last weekend I was frosting yellow and red cupcakes for the Super Bowl, this off season has felt painfully and tragically long for Cowboys fans. After our QB getting his head stuck in his ass again, the locker room imploding, the entire team losing their damn minds in Philly, missing the playoffs all together and all the other utter bullshit, we’ve been awarded with a peaceful, sedated training camp and pre-season. Calm before the storm, perhaps? I know I’ve got my umbrella ready.

I have no probs admitting that many Cowboys fans tend to epitomize all that is wrong with Americans. I like to call it egotistical ignorance. Unfortunately, the arrogance is inherent since the majority of us were  born and raised in the country known as Texas. Thus bred with the grid iron as religion, blue and silver blood and a holier than thou attitude towards all things football. I have my moments, trust me. But I also know that 1996 was a LONG time ago and the last two years have been absolute disasters. We have an unproven receiving core and our head coach is a pussy. We will only go as far as our QB will take us, should he choose to finally step up and grow some balls. Howev, FEW teams (if any) can compare to our RB lineup. And we have what are arguably the best tight end and defenseman in the league. But individual stars does not a winning team make. My fingers are crossed, but I’m not holding my breath. I’ve had many a palm to forehead moments whilst seeing fan predictions of anything above 10-6. I’m not being pessimistic or a negative netty…just trying to be, I don’t know, realistic? Lord knows I hope they prove me wrong. But I seriously have higher expectations for my fantasy team. (I’m talking to YOU, Maurice Jones-Drew).

No matter how this season (or the next) may end, I will always take pride in being a born Cowboys fan. My future children, should they ever exist, will be able to choose their religions, politics and professions, but god forbid any one of them come home in a Giants jersey. I will ESPLODE.

One thing I’ve been adamant about regarding this blog is that it’s not your typical “come here for up-to-the-minute information and I’m just writing to hear myself talk expert analysis” site. There are plenty of those. Although half the time I DO know what I’m talking about, it’s more a bar hop through the crazy land of being a sports fan-ette. We’re out there, you  just have to dig to find the good ones. It’s like picking out good avocados. The mushy ones are useless and the unripened ones require too much patience.

I had some sports related encounters of the third and fourth kind this weekend. I made the comment a few weeks ago (don’t remember to whom, for all I remember it could’ve been to myself) that I feel like football season is going to be rather interesting. Not only in general and for the Boys, but for me, personally. For serious, had I known shit was actually going to happen I would’ve put something bigger out into the universe. Like, “I feel like Chris Evans is going to come knocking at my door…and my apartment will actually be clean at the time.”

A couple of weeks ago the LA Cowboys group I’m a part of posted a Facebook page. The first couple of days it was live I perused member profiles to seek out anyone I knew from last season. I clicked on this one dude, didn’t remember him from last year at first. When I jumped over to his profile, I  noticed he was friends with someone I sorta kinda knew back in Texas. Strange, but you’ve got my attention. So he pops in this past Friday night while we were all at Yankee Doodle’s for the last pre-season game and I bring it up. He says he went to high school with that one guy. Trust me, this isn’t a good thing, what could make it worse is if graduated in 2000.

Oh but he did.

Somewhat longer story short, this guy in MY Cowboys group (mine, all mine) played baseball and graduated with The Dreaded Ex. AND I actually knew him, as well, but didn’t remember him at first. I move 1,200 miles away from home to a city with over 4 million people and I run into someone like that. I call major shenanigans. It’s like my past is chasing me wielding a leather whip (and not in a good way).

U-C-ELLLLLLE-A

What makes it EVEN funnier (trust me, I’m not really laughing) is this past Saturday, as I’m heading to the UCLA game the person I’m meeting emails me and says there’s a guy in the group tailgating next to us who is a ginormous Cowboys fan and can’t wait to meet me. Excellent I say, just picked up my requisite bottle of Malibu (shouldn’t they be sponsoring this blog by now?) and am a few minutes away. I get to the Rose Bowl, have a few drinks, have some amazing grilled scrimp and over comes the Cowboys fan. Fingers crossed he’s cute, single and employed! And straight!

Swear to god, it’s another guy from the group.

Once we got the OH HOW FUNNY IS THIS outta the way and he went back to his peeps, I looked at my friend and was like okay that’s enough, where are the cameras? I don’t like being on this show anymore. Cause who was next? The guy from the high school hockey team (that I started) who I was redonkulously in love with for years, but I wasn’t good enough for, so he ruined my self-image for a good 10 years? No thanks, man. So then I started in on how true Cowboys fans must have internal magnets and we always attract one another no matter where we go. Trust me, it was a rather intriguing and well thought out theory at the time. Much like Carl’s Jr. chili cheese fries are at 3 a.m. under the same amount of influence.

Speaking of drinks, another virtual round to the Ladies… for the most excellent shout out.

Fantasy draft in 14 hours! My shit’s all in order just in case I’m only half coherent in the morning. I’m nervous though…I told someone today it’s like the first day of school, you just want to get there, get it over with and find out who is your damn class. You’re all please don’t let me be stuck next to guy who smells like baked beans all year. You know what I mean, Vern? Anyhow, I’m not sure which I want more: to win my league (finally) or to beat my friend Ray.  I’m gonna be greed city and go with both.

Obviously I visit loads of sports sites on a daily (hourly?) basis. I only comment on a few sites/forums just because I’m too lazy to get into it with people. I rarely have patience for morons, which is odd because I comment at KSK the most.  I find that talking about sports, especially football, ranks up there with religion and politics. The only difference for me personally is I can keep my mouth shut when it comes to the last two. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t try to keep up on current affairs and am open-minded about other choices and opinions that differ from my own. And I believe, if you fancy yourself a true fan or connoisseur of a sport, you should attempt to do the same.

I won’t go into specifics, but the other day someone on a Cowboys “forum” I frequent posted an update about Brett Favre’s inability to gel in the Vikings locker room. I read it, thought it was interesting (but didn’t really find it surprising, nor should anyone). Someone responded along the lines of he didn’t care about Favre or the Vikings, he only cared about the Cowboys. My first response was “crimeny, what a typical American ass-hole.” A bit of an unfair statement? Perhaps. A little true? Seriously. That’s a minor example of why Cowboys fans have such a bad rep.

I’m not saying you should be interested in every single team in the league and know every player’s dog’s name. Just saying you should probably look around. Playing fantasy you obviously HAVE to. However, being up-to-speed on what’s going on in the league, your conference and DEFINITELY your division doesn’t hurt. You don’t who you could face in the playoffs, the conference championship or the Super Bowl. No matter how asinine it is, the Vikings are picked to get far this year, if not all the way (lame), by a lot of talking heads; they’re in the NFC and we play them the last pre-season game. So in a lot of ways, it does have to do with the Cowboys. Maybe I’m just being a nerd, I don’t know. OR maybe I don’t like sounding like a retard.

I have to admit though, as open-minded as I am about religions and politics, some things I won’t budge on…like my opinion (the FACT!) that all Eagles fans are dicks.