You know you’ve been away too long when you come back to find the ads pop up for you as Overstock.com and some political campaign. Someone needs to get her priorities straight. Having said that, I have every intention of getting back into the swing of things. If I don’t die of mosquito bite poisoning. For those of you keeping score at home -  Mosquitoes: 26; Nikki: 0. Welcome back to Texas.

So this is what actually happened while you thought I was dead and look! I have pictures to prove it!:

1. The Cowboys beat the Eagles in the last game of the regular season to secure home field advantage in the Wild Card game. Yes, we’re going back that far. Because I can and life was good. Vindication for that bitch slap of a game we went through at the end of the previous year.

My last regular season game with the Cowboys group, sad!

2. The Cowboys ALSO beat the Eagles in the Wild Card game. 100 words could not describe how I felt that night. If God himself came down to Santa Monica and took me away I would’ve offered him a tequila shot and gladly gone with a smile on my face and “Such a Night” playing in my heart. Instead, I was left to my own drunken devices here on Earth. Too much Patron + Cowboys playoff victory that also marked the pillaging of the Eagles THREE TIMES in one season + random encounter with a cute Dallas boy who was also on a victory high = very questionable judgment.

It’s almost a blessing to my emotional state (and reputation) that we didn’t go any further in the playoffs.

I always ended up in the middle of these pictures. But look at that face! It was like my birthday and Christmas and possibly Valentine's Day all ended up on the same day!

...and I never stopped smiling.

Sorry just had to post one more. Best night ever. We waited a LONG time for this. And Mike looks like a pimp in this picture.

3. The Longhorns made it to the National Championship. And that’s about all I have to say to that. Not only did Colt McCoy and Jordan Shipley have to go through the most terrible “what the f**k was that sh*t?!” championship game, um, EVER…they both were rewarded with one-way tickets to careers in Ohio. Insult to injury, much?

They did not hook 'em...

Trust me, there is more…

..Continue reading..

In which I give my thoughts on the NFL season thus far, she’s a beauty. The Boys will get their own personal love letter later, you knew it was coming. Until then…

1. Let’s get our priorities straight and start off by saying I’m less than three points out of first place in my fantasy league. I understand we’re only going into week three, but I don’t give a rat’s ass. I’m the only girl in a league with 16 teams and I don’t like to play if I can’t win…so every week counts. Every point counts. (Which means I need a Come to Jesus with Fred Taylor and Wes Welker right now). I’d have a secure grip on first had I started Aaron Rodgers in week one. Who might I add, I took in in the 7th round, 105th overall because I knew homeboy had something to prove this season. Suck it, boys.

But no, I woke up on First Football Sunday thinking I needed to change my starting QB to Carson Palmer (quit laughing, ass holes). I now have a rule “No Damn Changes on Sunday”, only exceptions are for confirmed injuries or insider info. Now having said that, Palmer needs a good kick in the gonads. Maybe when the Bengals visit Dallas in a couple of weeks D-Ware can give him a rousing rendition of Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes. Cause seriously, dude is having problems locating any body part or physical function applicable to the football field.

2. Speaking of heads, I’m worried about Vince Young. Every jerk has an opinion on this subject, but I have to say (and maybe this is the estrogen speaking), there is a serious concern here. It seems to me he has established mental issues outside of the pressure of being a starting QB in the NFL. And I hope to god his agent and coaches aren’t denying there’s a problem as much in private as they are publicly. I’ve become increasingly aware of how important mental health is lately and you can’t act a fool with it. If he needs help, PLEASE get the kid some help. Listen to his Mama, Mama knows best. And I encourage him to speak openly about it when/if he feels like it…he could be of service and an inspiration to many young people out there suffering in silence.

3. Speaking of, ahem, heads…I’m not so worried as I am laughing at Chris Cooley. Don’t blog in the nude, kids. And certainly don’t take pictures of playbooks on your lap while you’re blogging in the nude. But if you INSIST, take a good look at those pictures before posting. It’s not hard (pun not intended).

4. Payback is a 6-foot, 250 pound, lady bearded bitch. I just shake my head every time I think about The ACL Tear Heard Around the World. I admit I hold a lot of grudges, it’s not healthy…but I can produce a limited amount of sportsmanlike behavior on occasion and I never like to see a season ending injury happen to any athlete. Albeit a cocky bastard. But I feel like, in the grand scheme of things, this was the universe giving Bill Belichick a big, fat middle finger. And OH MY GOD if feels so good. Spank me again, spank me harder sort of good.

The hang up is I see Boston fans as New Money. And Dallas fans? We’re Old Money. And traditionally speaking Old Money turns up its nose at New Money (for you Dallasites, we’re HP…Boston is UP, you get what I mean). I just don’t like ‘em. I read on another blog that there was some little punk ass kid in Boston with a sign that read something akin to I’m 9 years-old and I’ve been to six [championship] parades. Know what? Tom Brady has that kid to thank for his couch potato status.

The only team in Boston I like is the Bruins. And I like that Boston all of the sudden remembered they had a hockey team once THEY MADE THE PLAYOFFS this year.

5. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Remember last year when Collinsworth and all the the commentators were geting hard-ons and making out with the AFC for their never to be outdone superiority? Ha. HA I say. Hope your bandwagons to the NFC didn’t hit too many red lights on the way.

6. Random thoughts. Arizona is 2-0? Really? And, um, I thought the Browns were going to be…decent? And if I was Ed Hochuli I’d retire…now. Of course I didn’t see it all go down myself. I have a tendency to fall asleep during games I don’t have any personal vested interest in (despite my love for the game…it’s the Chargers, ugh).

7. Last but not least…13 days until the return of Friday Night Lights. I’d leave the light on for Tim Riggins any night of the week.